


let me give you my life

by avosettas



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Dirty Thoughts, Godstuck, M/M, Multi, Pre Polyamory, Unrelated Jake and John, dirk is just :lennyface: the entire time basically, offscreen sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22203847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avosettas/pseuds/avosettas
Summary: “Hey!” John suddenly sits up. “Someone’s calling!”The gods of Mischief, Time, and Souls, and other additional stuff, get a little project. And they very much want to kill one of their colleagues by the end of it.
Relationships: John Egbert & Dave Strider & Dirk Strider, John Egbert/Jake English, Pre Jake English/Dirk Strider, Pre John Egbert/Dirk Strider, Pre John Egbert/Jake English/Dirk Strider
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: Polyswap Winter Promptfest - Dusk Edition





	let me give you my life

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [GloamingMage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloamingMage/pseuds/GloamingMage) in the [Polyswap_Winter_Promptfest_Dusk_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Polyswap_Winter_Promptfest_Dusk_2020) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> **Any rating. Egbert can be either John or June. Godstuck! Feel free to go wild with your own ideas, but here’s some sample scenarios:**
> 
> **Egbert is the god of mischief, Dirk is the uptight god of souls. Dave mediates between them—or tries to. Shenanigans ensue.**
> 
> **Someone is a priest or hero calling on the gods for aid. They don’t expect to catch the attention of two, or for both of them to try to court them.**
> 
> this was fun to write BUT it didnt turn out how i expected lol.... i hope you like it!!  
> ALSO if anyone thinks the rating needs to be moved to E let me know

“Ugh, I’m so boooooooored,” Your cohort, colleague, coworker, whatever he is, John, complains. You can hear how he’s dragging out the word like another one of your… friends? does. 

“Well, what do you want me to do about it, man?” Your brother, Dave, who is also your coworker slash colleague slash whatever, replies grumpily, polishing his sword. “I don’t control your boredness meter.” 

He looks at John, then at you. John is wearing a grin that only grows when Dave glances back at him. “Oh my god, I am not in the mood to deal with Dirk’s bullshit today, bro. Bother Vriska, or something.” 

You scowl at Dave. Your name is Dirk, God of Souls, Guardian of Fates, Brother of Time, and apparently John’s whole God of Mischief thing isn’t as annoying as the complaining you do about it. 

“Vriska is so used to my pranks, though,” John replies, stretching like a cat across Dave’s outstretched legs. “Like, it’s boring at this point. Also, her whole Luck thing… my buckets and pies always miss her!” 

“Better than me having to deal with it,” You grumble, crossing your arms as you glare at John. Dave just rolls his eyes. 

“Y’all really have nothing better to do than argue, huh?” He mutters, putting his sword to the side and leaning back on his elbows. John, still on his lap, rolls a bit as Dave moves. 

“You can go hang out with Karkat, man,” You suggest. You’re sure he’s around somewhere, even if for once you can’t hear him arguing with anyone. 

“Nope, he got called for aid… Terezi and Kanaya went with him, so Vriska’s been bothering Rose about it. She fuckin’ hates it.” 

“Hey!” John interrupts, suddenly sitting up. “Someone’s calling!” 

Grinning, he slips between you and Dave and grabs you both by the elbows despite Dave’s vocal protests and you kicking his shins. Then, he whisks you both off to whatever temple has an idiot calling for two gods fighting and their mediator. 

~

“Oh, he’s hot,” John whispers from behind his pillar. In the center of the temple, a young man is praying. He’s holding prayer beads that mark him as a follower of your colleague, Eridan, the God of… you aren’t sure what Eridan is supposed to be the god of. He’s kind of a loser sometimes. You think it has something to do with unrequited love, hope, and strategy.

“Dude, we’re supposed to be helping him,” Dave is standing in front of you, and you peek out from behind his hair. The guy _is_ kind of hot, you suppose… You’d personally like to see what he can do -

“I know! But he is!” John whines. 

“Dibs.” You mutter, loud enough that John can hear you.

“What!!!” 

The young man looks up. “Hello?” His eyes are a bright green, and behind his glasses he’s squinting. 

You take your chance. “Hey.” 

Unfortunately, John _also_ steps out. “Hi!” 

And not to be outdone, or at least forgotten, Dave moves from behind your formerly shared pillar as well. “What’s up, bro?” 

The guy blinks. Once, twice, three times. “Er.” 

“You need help?” John asks with his usual buck toothed grin. 

“What help,” You grumble at him, hopefully quiet enough that the guy can’t hear you, “could the God of Mischief give someone?” 

“Well, actually,” the guy pipes up. “I was hoping for some Luck or Mischief… I’m trying to beat my cousin in a prank war…” 

You and Dave stare, dumbfounded. Out of all the idiots who come for help, you don’t think you’ve ever had anyone outright _ask_ for John. Luck from Vriska is one thing - she might be a bitch, but she knows what she’s doing. 

No one ever asks for John.

At this point, John rushes and hugs the guy. “I’m your guy!” He is very, very close to the guy, you notice. The guy just grins and hugs him back. 

“Weird,” Dave grunts. “So who are you?” He asks, louder. 

“Er, Jake. Jake English,” John’s awed supplicant replies. 

“Well! I’m John, God of Mischief and the Breeze, that’s Dave, God of Time and Warmth…” His face falls a bit. “And that’s Dirk. God of Souls and shit.” 

Jake doesn’t miss a beat. “Pleasure to meet you both.” He shakes Dave’s hand, then yours, still looking amazed. His hands are very warm. You’d like to feel them in… other places… 

There’s probably a reason why you’re considered the unofficial god of sex. And it’s probably because you keep having R-rated thoughts about John’s new supplicant friend. He’s really, really… 

“Dude, stop staring.” Dave hisses. 

“I can’t, he’s hot.” 

And _that_ is right when John and Jake decide to stop talking. John, where Jake can’t see him, glares at you. Jake just bites his lips and pointedly looks at some point behind Dave’s head. 

“Er, not that I’m not flattered,” Jake says awkwardly. “But I’m training to be a priest. Priests of Eridan need to be celibate, y’see. God of Unrequited Love and all.” 

John’s face falls, and you’re sure yours does as well. Of all the motherfuckers, Eridan has ruined your chances with this cute village boy. 

~

“I’m still pissed at Eridan.” 

“Dude, I swear to… us, I guess, if you see him and get into a fight with him, I’m not gonna help you.” Dave punches you, good-naturedly, in the shoulder. 

“Karkat’s always arguing with him,” You retort. 

“They’re like, partners or something, you know? Gods of Unrequited and Requited Love.” 

“Oh, you mean Mr. My-Priests-Must-Be-Celibate and Karkat?” John, his arrival heralded by a light breeze, drops softly to sit on your left side. 

You look at him to agree, and then do a double take. “Is that a fucking hickey?” 

Dave snorts. John yanks his collar up to cover it his neck. “Noooooooo…” 

“You fucked Eridan’s celibate priest?! You motherfucker!”  
“He’s a supplicant-fucker, not a motherfucker, bro,” Dave says from behind you as you grab John by the front of the shirt and prepare to _fucking slug him_.

“WAIT wait wait!!” John shrieks, flailing to get away from you. 

You release him, giving him what you hope is your best scowl. John smirks and kisses you on the nose, and then whispers in your ear, “He said you’re welcome to join us, next time.” 

You decide against punching John. For the moment.


End file.
